05.11.06
A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER
Maybe my dispatcher Cha Cha is right: I’m too nice to drive the night shift. You’ve got to be a little hard-hearted to drive a cab at night. There is a lot of misery on the streets, but I’m not out there to do community service. Ideally, I’m making money. And to make money, I can’t be giving away free rides.
Twice before last night, I did give away free rides. One was to a kid, a few years younger than me, who hailed me at the foot of the Williamsburg Bridge. He told me right off the bat that he didn’t have a dime, but it was freezing and he just had to cross the bridge. I’ve walked across bridges in the the bitter cold before, and I was empty anyway, so I figured it would be a mitzvah. The second free ride, speaking of mitzvahs, I gave to a couple of Haitian nuns who hailed me in Washington Heights on another particularly cold day. They too informed me that they had no money, and only needed short ride. They actually had just walked across the George Washington Bridge (I didn’t know there was a pedestrian lane on that bridge, but who am I to question Haitian nuns). I was glad to drive them down through Washington Heights and Harlem, because I rarely get hailed in those neighborhoods anyway, and when I have been hailed, I generally end up wishing I hadn’t stopped.
Last night I saw something that broke my heart, though I guess I’m a softy anyway. I should tell you, there is something going on at North 4th Street and Driggs in Brooklyn. Every time I pass, for years now, I see a lone, gnarly-looking female eyeing the passing cars. She is usually in her 30s or 40s, dressed not exactly like a hooker, but never bundled up no matter what the weather. There is always one, and she is always really sketchy, but she never hails cabs.
Last night, she hailed me. Actually she hailed each of the three cabs in front of me, each of which slowed down to take a look and then peeled out. When I slowed down, I saw she was nothing to be afraid of. She just looked scared.
When she got in, the first thing she said was, “I only have 13 cents on me. That’s it.” This is the point at which a real New York cabbie would tell her to get out very loudly, maybe showering her with curses in his native tongue, probably gesticulating wildly. But I don’t have the heart. Plus I noticed in my rearview that her nose and lip were bleeding, and she was shaking.
“I gotta to get to Jackson Heights,” she said. At that point I did consider kicking her out, because it would take an hour to get to Jackson Heights and back to the city. But I’ve always said that I believe in karma, so we took off.
During the ride, I tried to see if she would tell me what it is that is going on at that corner every night, but she didn’t understand what I was asking her. She was a native English-speaker, but she was very slow, possibly retarded. She told me her brother had dropped her off there, but she wouldn’t tell me why. He was supposed to come back and get her, but he hadn’t, and she didn’t know why. She’d been waiting for five hours. Then “some guys” came by and beat her up for no reason.
I didn’t care if her story checked out. All she wanted to do was get back to her dad who she lived with in VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER underneath the 59th Street Bridge. But today, as was sometimes the case, he was parked up near Roosevelt Avenue in Jackson Heights.
When we got there, sure enough, I saw an old van parked just off the avenue. She thanked me profusely, and started to get out. I can’t say I’m proud, but I told her, “That’ll be 13 cents please.” Her face froze, and she started reaching for her pocket. I think the joke went over her head.
Before she got the change (which she really did have; I heard it jingling) I apologized for messing with her, and asked, “What is there to eat around here?” figuring if anyone knows where the inexpensive food is, it would be her. She told me, “I eat hot dogs and spaghettiOs.” I did’t know if she was offering me some, and we had an awkward moment before I asked, “No, I mean, is there anything cheap to eat in this neighborhood?”
(Ever wonder where homeless people eat out?)
She directed me to Tacolandia on the next block. She told me they have $2 tacos and a fixin’ bar you do yourself. She said she loads up on radishes.
I figured, as long I was out there, I might as well give it a whirl. I bought two, one pollo and one chorizo, and I put a ton of radishes on one of them. I can’t say they were as good as anything you could find in a taco truck in East L.A. (I certainly can’t say the ton of radishes was good), but they were tasty. They tasted pretty much how I imagined a $2 taco in Jackson Heights would taste. But I’m still waiting for the karmic payoff from this latest mitzvah. I’m hoping that will be very sweet.
Tacolandia, 77-04 Roosevelt Avenue, Jackson Heights, Queens
Check out www.famousfatdave.com for a chuckle or to book an eating tour on which we don’t have to load up on radishes at Tacolandia
patrick teoh said,
May 11, 2006 at 10:55 am
You’re a good person, Dave. Fat or otherwise. I once did something from the other side of the cab barrier. This driver was so stressed out he looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel. bad traffic, no fares, shift time running out. At the end of the ride I gave him the day’s rental for the cab, the next day’s rental, 5 movie tickets and a bunch of vouchers for McDonald’s. Hope he was happy.
Paul said,
May 11, 2006 at 12:26 pm
Good for you! I know you are trying to make a living, but a good heart and a good deed will be repaid some day, some how.
Marlena said,
May 11, 2006 at 2:02 pm
My mama never ate radishes. Why, you ask? In her teens she had a date with a cute Youngstown boy. Earlier in the day had eaten a bunch of radishes and throughout the date she kept burping and it smelled like raw sewage. She told me this once as a life lesson: don’t eat radishes before a date. Now I’m telling you.
And you are, indeed, a softy. Good one!
Mary Drew Powers said,
May 11, 2006 at 3:37 pm
You ARE a real New York taxi driver, just not the stereotype. I’m sending good luck your way from Montana.
Natalie said,
May 11, 2006 at 4:20 pm
Note to self. Do not take food advice from people who live in a van.
It’s good that you’re a softy. It’ll come back to you.
Connie said,
May 11, 2006 at 6:05 pm
You know, your deposit of karma will be used against the guy that beat her up. Sometimes it’s just best not to be haunted by your inaction. Granting a wish can be very powerful.
Sloane said,
May 11, 2006 at 7:01 pm
Phamous Phat – What a mitzvah indeed, how lucky of her to run into such a sweetheart. So where IS your favorite taco, since this Tacolandia does not so much make the cut? I like San Loco, but I’m looking for something even more delicious…
Jeremy said,
May 11, 2006 at 7:37 pm
the karmic payoff is knowing that you did a good deed. ain’t it great bein a jew?
Ariel said,
May 11, 2006 at 8:30 pm
What a mensch!!!!
it’ll come full circle for sure, be sure to let us know when it does!
bobbie said,
May 11, 2006 at 8:58 pm
Now there’s a boy who was raised right!
Administrator said,
May 12, 2006 at 2:33 am
Dear Sloane,
Where IS my favorite taco in New York? Taco Bell. I’ve tried a bunch of tacos in New York, but I get the feeling its like trying to find good green chili in Maine or lobster roll in New Mexico. I do like the tacos in the back of that grocery store (Matamoros Puebla Grocery) on Bedford between North 7th and North 6th in Williamsburg, but I’d suggest heading much further south and west before expecting to find a great taco. If I find one that matches up to the ones I found in East LA, I’ll be sure to let you all know.
~Mr. Famous
Melissa said,
May 12, 2006 at 7:14 pm
Chile Verde on Bushwick and Montrose. Come on, I know you’ve been there Dave, haven’t you?
By the way, I’m back in town. Be back to work next week. Let’s meet up late night and eat like the old days.
michelle said,
May 18, 2006 at 8:57 pm
Try Castro’s at 511 Myrtle ave in Brooklyn for good tacos. Even though the soft ones are delicious, I actually prefer the rather Americanized hard-shell ones. I get the ground beef and at $2.00 a pop they are a good deal, tasting like the best Ortega tacos my mom ever made in the ’80’s.
The other food there is really good, too, especially the echiladas de pollo with green sauce.
Hyunch said,
May 24, 2006 at 6:17 pm
This is not karma-induced behavior– it’s just down-right compassionate. Poor woman with a f*cked up “brother”… you are great for doing what you did. But, back to food– Haven’t had a good taco in NYC yet. Lived in Chicago for a while, and their Mexican food is the bomb, it’s the kind of city where you can wake up hungover with cockeyed depth perception and vodka body perfume, and still find good menudo just a stone’s throw away (with baby scallops sometimes!). Feel free to email me if you’d like to try some *good* NY korean food.
avisualperson said,
August 9, 2007 at 11:41 pm
dang yo, tacolandia stands as your foray into JHeights tacos? next time you swing thru, grab some tripe tacos from coatzingo or some tongue tacos from el poblano; guaranteed to please, esp. if you like the funky stuff. oh, the tongue at tacolandia is decent though.
hugo said,
September 27, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Definitely, You’re tastebuds are ethnocentric toward whatever your ubringing of taco bells, mayo , and ketchup dictate. That’s not a bad thing, but it’s kind of like a Russian saying hot dogs suck. It’s a known fact that real deal mexican spots like tacolandia cater towards a latino sense of great tacos rather than the americanized taco bell sense of rat infested mass manufacturing fast food kitchens..I would say that roosevelt ave has the highest demand in the united states for authentic mexican cooking. People there are mostly recent immigration from Mexico and it’s a very large community. Unlike LA which is now partly chicano culture if not mostly. Chicano culture has it’s own cuisine like texmex, burritos and fajitas, which are not authentically mexican. Which is ok, but then you have to admit, maybe you just don’t like real Mexican food? And that would be alright, can’t like everything lol