11.02.06

Remember Maine

Posted in On The Open Road, Posts By Adam B., Seafood at 5:48 am by Administrator

Hi folks. Adam B. here, hoping to take a moment to go back in time with you and Famous Fat Dave. The month was March, the year was 2003: a tumultuous time for our nation. Scorn for America was building as the leader of the Free World abondoned reckless diplomacy in favor of a cool, calculated blitz to Baghdad.

Things were tense between worldwide anti-war protests mounting and Nicole Kidman duking it out with Rene Zellweger for best actress. With iTunes still a month away, what better way to escape reality than a trip to Portland, Maine to vist our friends Ian and Marin.

FFD and I hopped in the Maxima and headed to Maine from Maryland via Philadelphia, where we stopped for piping hot soft pretzels . . . and cheesesteaks . . . oh yeah, we stopped for hoagies too.

Once we got to Maine, we knew that no reunion with auld-tyme friend would be complete without a feast. And no feast in Maine is complete without lobster. So by the transitive property, Dave and I made it our mission to find the most succulent, meaty, fisty lobsters that we could afford. We set out on the streets of Portland on a cold, crisp, sunny day. Blue jeans and sweatshirts. Hand and hand.

We ended up at the creaky Harbor Fish Market where freshly caught seafood practically dances from the boat to your plate. Dave and I persevered through the anti-tourist tactics of black flies and ridicule (in a thick New accent) for lack of lobster knowledge. We emerged from the store with a cardboard cornucopia of crustaceans.

We arrived back at the house, and while the rest of the feast was being prepared, a pang of conscience came over us while staring into the box. We decided to give our main course a few more minutes of dignity in the master bathroom (unbeknownst to our hosts).

When the time came to transfer the lobsters to the kitchen, any dignity that remained was quickly erased by Dave in one fell schwing:

Thankfully our host Ian knew what the hell he was doing and took charge of the operation. With Cheshire grins, the three of us proudly pose with our prize catch just before the boil:

And a few minutes later, viola! The well-deserved reward for a hard day of deep sea shopping. The lobsters are served prete-a-mange along with all the fixin’s (don’t worry Marylanders, the Old Bay Seasoning was present but off camera).

Famous said grace. Then we toasted to health, good cheer, and a merciful Jewish G-d who hopefully understands the complexities and difficulties of abiding by all laws of kashrus in a modern, predominately gentile society.

Amen

Harbor Fish Market, 9 Custom House Wharf, Portland, Maine

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